I am just not ambitious enough !

“So where do you see yourself 5 years from now?”, “How ambitious would you say you are”, “”What are your goals in life”, “what is your expectation from this job”. This and many more such “behavioural” questions often wreck our nerves and leave us in hair-splitting mode whenever we are to prepare for a new job interview or walk into one of those “career progression and employee engagement” talks with the HR.

Standard, smart and acceptable answers would range from “I see myself as a productive resource for the organization, multi-tasking across functional teams and adding to my skill sets as I progress” to “I am a sponge, learning best practices and grooming myself for leadership roles within the organization” and of course the quintessential “ In 5 years, I see myself grow with the company. I believe in long term and strong association”. However, I face a bit of a trouble when it comes to stating these answers poker faced and letting my employer know, in rather euphemistic terms, that I am ready to be the corporate slave till the end of my life (or yours, whichever is shorter!). My life is expected to be balanced cautiously against work, perched atop a pile of “to do’s, need to do’s, should do’s , you better do’s”. Any slip from the top would be treated as a cause of personal negligence and sloppy time management; and be subjected to negative appraisal on my ability to “multi-task and generate efficient outputs”.

5 years from now I would like to see myself earning sufficient for a monthly shopping spree, a family lunch over the weekend and an annual vacation. My goal in life is to be able to provide adequately for my near and dear ones and be available for them in their happiest and saddest moments. I expect that my job enables me to work in an environment where I am not distressed by the fact that I do have a personal life which needs equal attention. The problem with my answers is that these instantly put me in the bracket of “unambitious, non-enterprising and laid-back resource” who is unable to “add value to the ambition and vision of the organization going forward”. And this irks me BIG time! Why is not “living a life” categorized as ambition but “earning a million” is highly ambitious. Or why is my idea of having a personal life deemed “understandable but not acceptable” on grounds of my being a woman, “after all”!

Yes, maybe early 20’s is too early to think of having a work-life balance. Yes, right now it is all about work hard, party harder and TGIF syndrome. But why does this have to change my definitions of “ambition”, “job expectation” and “goals in life”? And no, this is not a tirade against long working schedules or aggressive workplaces, hell no!

Maybe you can treat this as my attempt to “initiate lateral thinking and encourage alignment of ideas between the employee and the employer through active voicing of conflicting opinions”!

कुछ पत्ते डाल से टूट के सूख गए हैं

कुछ पत्ते डाल से टूट के सूख गए हैं 

आवाज़ तो नहीं सुनी थी कोई, बस एक हवा का झोंका आया था 

कोई पास से गुज़रता है तो चिल्लाते हैं जोर से 

हर आहट पे कान लगा के बैठे हैं अपने 

अपनी नियति से जैसे चूक गए हैं 

कुछ पत्ते डाल से टूट के सूख गए हैं

हवा के परों पे उड़ने का ख्वाब रखते थे 

डाली से जुड़े थे तभी तो ऐसा मिजाज़ रखते थे 

अब उस्सी डाल को इश्तियाक भरी नज़रों से देखते हैं 

चिल्लाने की भी आवाज़ नहीं आती है अब, मूक हो गए हैं 

कुछ पत्ते डाल से टूट के सूख गए हैं

अब तो हर झोंका जैसे आंधी सी दाब लेके आता है 

डाली की हिमायत क्या गयी, पत्तों का वजूद ही सवाल बन जाता है 

छाव कभी इनसे भी थी, ओस की बूँद इन पर भी मचल के गिरी थी 

पर अब जैसे अपनी ही पहचान से बेरूख हो गए हैं 

कुछ पत्ते डाल से टूट कर सूख गए हैं

Just me and beat that's missing !

As it slips between the fingers, I grab hold ever so tightly

 As it flies along the wings of air, I collect the remains ever so carefully

 A moment of eternity passes away in just a wink;

What stays behind is just me and a beat that’s missing !

 For all that is spoken, the unspoken is what echoes the most
 For all that is known, the unknown is what is remembered the most

A distance of infinity is covered in an instant;

 What stays behind is just me and a beat that’s missing

 Laughter, happiness, bliss and delight

 Anxiety, worry, wait and an inexplicable fright
 A surge of sensation glides over in a split second;

 What stays behind is just me and a beat that’s missing

बात ही क्या है

अगर बातों बातों में ही सब बात हो जाए तो बात ही क्या है 

हर बात अगर  कुछ कह के ही बयाँ करनी पड़े तो मज़ा ही क्या है 

इस ख़ामोशी में जो खनक है 

इस  एक नज़र में जो चमक है 

उन कहकहों के पीछे जो कहानी है 

इस लम्हे से परे ये जो सोच की रवानी है 

बात तो इसमें है, मज़ा तो इसका है !

अगर वो जो अनकही है, लव्जों में ही बंध के रह जाये तो बात ही क्या है 

किसी कशमकश में पड़के कोई सांस ना उछले तो मज़ा ही क्या है 

इस पल में ये जो कसक है 

जाते हुए पल की ये जो सिसक है 

वो मुस्कान जो होठों पे थमी सी है 

पलकों में ये जो इक हलकी नमी सी है

बात तो इसमें है, मज़ा तो इसका है !!!!!

वो सड़क, वो हवा, वो शोर

वो सड़क, जो पगडण्डी सी लगती है,

किसी की सुबह और शाम के बीच का पुल है,

किसी का घर है

कितनों की रोज़ी रोटी है,

थोड़ी संकरी, छोटी है

मेरे घर की ओर चली जाती है

वो सड़क, जो पगडण्डी सी लगती है

वो हवा, जो बस छू कर निकल जाती है,

कभी दिन भर की थकान मिटाने का मरहम है,

कभी तूफ़ान की दस्तक है

पसीने  में भिगोती गरम लू है कभी

ठिठुराती, कंपाती, सर्द सरसराहट है कभी

मेरे घर की खुशबू लेकर आती है

वो हवा, जो बस छू कर निकल जाती है

वो शोर, जो हर पल कानों में गूंजता है

कहीं ख़ुशी से नाचता झूमता कोलाहल है.

कहीं दर्द की आह है

कभी लगता है कितनी आवाज़ों में गुम एक साज़ है

कभी लगता है एक अनकहा सा राज़ है

मेरे घर से आती आवाजें ढूंढता है 

वो शोर, जो हर पल कानों में गूंजता है 

To We or not to We......

As dusk falls and twilight peeps through, the twittering turns to cacophony. Gradually, it dies down to soft murmurs only to retire to a serene silence. What then one yearns for is that familiar yet surprising tiptoeing across the room, that mundane yet refreshing account of the day gone by, that casual yet comforting handclasp which puts you to a blissful sleep.

They say companionship is over rated. They say it put fetters around you, takes away your identity and makes you an illusionist. They say it is irrational ! 

They say independence is undervalued. They say it gives you wings, it helps you discover your “self” and makes you a realist. They say it is sensible !

Well, I say, I am more of me when the other is around. I fly, flap a little, soar high above and come back home to the other who shares “my” world and everything in it. I dream, I wish, I hope, I desire. And together with the other I discover a life which is as real as any other !!!!!

On this side of the sea !

It’s a vast expanse. Deep. Boundary less. Dynamic yet absolutely still at its depths. Noisy yet absolutely at peace from within. Its blue, its silver, its orange, its pink, its black;  yet it is colourless by its very nature. It is fatal when in rage yet  harbours life in its deepest recesses. It leads to separations and creates boundaries yet it also connects. It makes you happy yet thoughtful, it gives you strength yet makes you feel insecure and insignificant ! It takes your rubbish in and still offers you the pearls it breeds !

I am not exactly fascinated by the sea. No, in fact there are times when I am a little scared by its vastness.  But there is something about those waves lashing across the rocks, that constant bouncing of the waves on the shore that makes me go back to the sea. Maybe its vastness arouses a sense of freedom in me. If I feel cramped within my self-created close spaces, I know the sea is at my rescue. There is a world beyond it, a world which I am yet to see and its BIG ! And funnily enough that’s when also the exact opposite realization dawns. That the world on this side is also yet unexplored. Why am I not stepping out of my shell? Why is it that I always wonder about the “other side”? Hell, there’s so much on this side yet to experience, yet to share !

The sea itself tosses out the shell from its womb so that the pearl within can be noticed and polished and shine and cherished.  Well, I am the pearl ! And I want to discover and be discovered. And I want to shine and be cherished. And of course, I want to get out of this shell yet hold on to it. Because this little shell of mine holds the entire sea for me !!!!!