Speechless............

It’s difficult. Difficult to pretend, difficult to smile, difficult to cheer when everything within you is fading out. It’s easy to wipe off the tears that fall off, but what do you do with the ones that are stuck in your eyelids? Waiting for the curve of your lips to straighten.

Struck with loneliness right in the middle of the crowd, it’s difficult to make sense of the noise around you when the silence within you is deafening, almost maddening! There are moments when you can sense the things around you falling apart like a pack of cards; the wind just blows it all away. And all that you are left with is dry, lifeless, listless leaves strewn all over  the place........Try picking them up and your hand is filled with nothing but the crushed pieces of the foliage that was once bustling and blooming with life!

It’s funny......the whole concept......how memories are made up of so many special, precious moments stitched together and it takes just one, SINGLE moment and there goes your memory, torn beyond repairs.

Wait, endless wait, a hope, which hopes beyond hope that the hand which grabbed yours is still there to clutch you, to hold you tight. But in the deep recesses of your heart there’s a voice, a silent sob that is telling you that you are losing the grip and that the firm handclasp is slowly  sliding from between the spaces of your fingers......leaving a void that you can never fill ever again !

Titlliyaan yaadon ki........

Richhaaaaa.......... The tone with which my name was called still resonates in my ear. I can still hear to the familiar beck and call and immediately respond to it. Memories,......., funny things they are! They make you cry your heart  out AND they make you smile.  It makes you gloomy and a split second later, that very memory cheers you up, you smile at the very thought of that moment in which you had the chance to experience, to share, to live with someone !

              

                 "Someone, suddenly from somewhere, comes and stands besides us,

                 He grasps our hand, he touches our heart,

                 And soon he's EVERYWHERE !!!! "

That's how Rasiya is ! Day before a stranger, then an acquaintance and then a part of all of us........Some people just walk in and before you realize it, their presence becomes a part and parcel of our very own existence. 

         Rasiya is a magician. Every minute that you spend with him, he conjures a smile out of thin air and pastes it right on your lips and makes you believe that this is where it rightfully belongs to, NEVER LOSE IT ! Oh! he's a charmer. He can charm you with his intellect, his passion and of course, not to forget his never ending, crazy stories of w***t............ The twinkle of delight in his eyes mesmerizes you. 

          Endless nights of complicated questions of probability, incomprehensible MC assignments and my incessant cribbing about "oh! how sad and difficult my life has become!"....... All of this I share with him. And Rasiya always has a solution, its called "chill kar yaar, ho jaega". Maybe there's something in his voice that immediately soothes you. All your anxieties simply blow away like a whiff of air and you know that sooner or later, "ho jaega".

          But suddenly Rasiya just walked away, away to nowhere. And I am left gazing at the endless expanse before me, my eyes searching for that familiar face, that reassuring look of his eyes, my hands stretched out in anticipation that the gaps between my fingers will be filled with that firm yet gentle clasp of his hand. I am speechless, my  throat is choked with all those words left unsaid.

        And then ShaKira tells me to smile, "Smile, not because he's nowhere, but because he's NOW- HERE, because he pasted that everlasting smile on our lips." LIBOR fills up the gaps between my fingers, shares with me all those moments he shared with Rasiya, brings me even closer to my memories, memories of happiness and pleasure.Alongwith ShaBnam, I walk the path that has Rasiya's footprints on it and we feel his presence around, subtle yet encompassing us from all sides !

        One thing's for sure, all those angelic beauties up there would have gone weak in their knees, just as I did when I first  met Rasiya ! Oh! I am so jealous of them ............

Small Wonders......

As I sipped the refreshing coconut water outside and bit into a juicy pear, a sudden roar from somewhere near startled me.........Oh my God , how could i forget ? India was into the final moments of its Test Match against Australia and the situation on field had everybody on their tenterhooks. I quickly rushed towards the arena of action, all eyes glued towards the LCD screens, people craning their necks to catch every single movement that was happening on the field. Those who were having their lunch bit the fingers along with the food, not because the food was deliciously finger licking ( ahhh! wish that was the case too !), but because the excitement, the enthusiasm, the fervour of the moment was so palpable. Nine wickets down, six runs to win and each ball directed towards the batsman loaded with expectations of hitting the boundary...... collective sighs and gasps charged the air and all heartbeats converged to the uniform pattern of crests and troughs.

            Just two runs left now, eyes transfixed to the screen, even the winking is controlled and simulated......and FINALLY here goes the boundary........ Claps, whistles, roars, shouts ......its euphoria all around.....INDIA WINS !

           The hi-5s, the pats on the back, the impromptu jig, in those moments of ecstasy all you feel is  a sense of collective joy, pride and happiness. Some events do have the power to bring each one of us together, weave us back into the mosaic all of us are a part of and Cricket is just one of them. What amazes me is that in those moments nothing, absolutely nothing else matters to us. We simply break free and experience the, well...ummmm, the experience of being close and together. 

            Such are the moments when one truly lives and not merely exists. These may seem to be so inconsequential relative to the "larger things in life" that we value or at least are "expected to value". But again, go back to the silence, delve deep into your heart and listen......what were those moments or experiences when you truly lived, enjoyed, smiled and celebrated. Hold onto these small, little, "insignificant" things. And one day you will realise how BIG is small !!!!!! 

CHEERS !!!!!