Monday, October 10, 2011

I search for tomorrow

In some scattered pieces around,
I search for tomorrow.
In some shadows that surround,
I search for tomorrow.

Happiness abounds, smiles and cheers all around,
but in my moments of silence,
I search for tomorrow.
Its sunny, its warm; the soft breeze flows along,
yet in that lull of the evening,
I search for tomorrow.

It's a peaceful night, followed by an eventful morning,
it's a day that chugs along at a tranquil pace.
And within the mundane-ness of my chores,
I search for tomorrow.

I live and I love; I speak and I sing,
I smile and I cry; I enjoy and I grumble
yet in those moments when I play the real "me"
I search for tomorrow !



Monday, September 26, 2011

Har ek friend zaroori hota hai !

Your first failure, your first heartbreak. Your worst hair day, your most embarrassing faux pas. Your first feeling of "high"ness, your fall into the deepest of abyss................. Funny how you share the lowest points of your life with people you call FRIENDS ! No matter how well you do in life, how many greenbacks you earn, how many accolades you win, the person with whom you share your "sinking" feeling with is that friend of yours. The one who's been standing there all this while, without you even noticing, the person on whose shoulders who rested your head umpteen times without even being thankful once. Sometimes you were sad, sometimes depressed, sometimes anxious, sometimes scared..... and sometimes just plain tired. All you did was retire into that corner and rest your head against the wall until he/she came, gently slid their the fingers into your frail ones, clutched it tight and walked with you a mile. Quietly, no questions asked, no suggestions made, no advice given. No "told-you-so" remarks, no "what-do you-think-you-were-doing" accusations.....they just walk along until your feet gather pace and you are all set to tread the path on your own.

I find it rather funny and intriguing at the same time that how someone with whom you share your fears and fantasies, your failures and futility seems to disappear just when you have settled in your comfortable, cosy little world ! Wasn't he/she the one who led you from the reluctance to readiness? Weren't they the ones with whom you shared your inferiority complexes without the fear of being judged? Weren't they the ones who always said "hey buddy, hope you have the greatest time ever"? Then why is it that sometimes we just very comfortably, very simply fail to engage them in our happiness. So, we enter this new world, shake new hands, enjoy the hi-5s and the good times....... and just don't bother to see around if that friend is there. Has it happened to any of you that we become so used to that shoulder always being there, we actually take it to that corner we sometimes retreat to and just leave it there ; comfortable with the fact that "kahan jaayega, it is mine only".

And then one day, when the party is over, when the music is turned off and all your "buddies" go back home you grope in that corner, searching frantically for that clutch of the hand, that shoulder you so desperately want to rest on. Yes, you do want to share the fun of the party that just got over, you want to engage him/her in the bubble of mirth and celebration that just burst. Yes, you do want to share your joy, your happiness, your "day of glory". Yes, you so genuinely want to share the fun....yet there's no one to listen now.

Not that no one waited. Of course, someone was waiting......waiting to be invited in ! Yet, in the jubilation and cacophony, while you may not have knowingly meant it, you just forgot to extend your hand. Yes, you have wronged, you have messed up, you have delayed it beyond repair.
But just one time, gather that courage and take that step forward. Hug it out ! You know your "cosy, comfortable " little world would only be a self-satisfying mirage of sorts if you lose that shoulder of support.
FRIENDS....... they always listen.....because they are the only people who know all about you and still tolerate you......because they would forgive you and say "kameene, tu hai hi aisa" !

Tuesday, August 2, 2011



As everyone went gaga over “Zindagi na milegi dobara” I couldn’t resist my temptation to go and watch it (not that the trio of lead actors was not appealing enough). The viral fever of the movie was just too much to ignore and there I was with a packet of Uncle Chipps in my hand, ready for the movie.  I would do a grave injustice to my  honesty if I admit that the movie blew me over. It didn’t, yes.... that’s what it is. I wasn’t all “ O Wow ! what a movie”. But one thing is for sure. The movie sure got me thinking....thinking not about something that I have never thought about; but to think of something which I, actually we all, in a way, think about most of the time. I guess, that’s a lot of “thinking” and “thought”:P

But that’s the thing! It’s all about the inexplicable, incomprehensible, the baffling and perplexing “WHAT IF!”
What if I don’t get this job? What if I lose this job? What if my girlfriend rejects me? What if my Dad doesn’t accept my choice of career? What if I make a mistake? What if..........????

This and loads of other “What ifs” float in our mind all the time, without even our realizing it. All our decisions, all our actions seem to be contingent upon outcome of certain pre-conceived scenarios. What we do and/or what we don’t do inevitably depend upon a seemingly foreseeable outcome. I see “seemingly” because that what they end up being....Outcomes that “seem” to be something else but their exact nature is not known. Ironically, most part of our lives is spent in “weighing up” the analysis of our actions and still we blame “impulse” for most of the screw-ups in our lives.....

Close your eyes for just a minute and think when was it that you truly did something on “impulse”, just because you “WANTED TO DO IT”, just because your heart said “GO FOR IT”....didn’t give even a second’s thought to any kind of “what if”! There would hardly be anyone among us who unabashedly and forthrightly takes that leap of faith. We are often fettered by the chains of numerous “what ifs” surrounding us and checking our flight to fantasy at each juncture, curtailing us from exploring the widest sky and the farthest horizon.

Each one of us has that one, tiniest, littlest seed of desire within us. That one thing which we have always wanted to do, always wanted to say, always wanted to feel...That desire of “I WISH” that all of us subconsciously nurture in the deepest recesses of our hearts. For once, let go of all the “what ifs”, loosen yourself from the shackles of fear and apprehension.  I would take a cue from some of the best lines of the movie I mentioned in the beginning.... lines which left me motionless and wide eyed and yet stirred every chord of my heart:

Jo apni aankhon mein
Hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum



And as Ayush would put it......"ab nahi toh kab"....

What if you don't DO IT NOW ?????



As everyone went gaga over “Zindagi na milegi dobara” I couldn’t resist my temptation to go and watch it (not that the trio of lead actors was not appealing enough). The viral fever of the movie was just too much to ignore and there I was with a packet of Uncle Chipps in my hand, ready for the movie.  I would do a grave injustice to my  honesty if I admit that the movie blew me over. It didn’t, yes.... that’s what it is. I wasn’t all “ O Wow ! what a movie”. But one thing is for sure. The movie sure got me thinking....thinking not about something that I have never thought about; but to think of something which I, actually we all, in a way, think about most of the time. I guess, that’s a lot of “thinking” and “thought”:P

But that’s the thing! It’s all about the inexplicable, incomprehensible, the baffling and perplexing “WHAT IF!”
What if I don’t get this job? What if I lose this job? What if my girlfriend rejects me? What if my Dad doesn’t accept my choice of career? What if I make a mistake? What if..........????

This and loads of other “What ifs” float in our mind all the time, without even our realizing it. All our decisions, all our actions seem to be contingent upon outcome of certain pre-conceived scenarios. What we do and/or what we don’t do inevitably depend upon a seemingly foreseeable outcome. I see “seemingly” because that what they end up being....Outcomes that “seem” to be something else but their exact nature is not known. Ironically, most part of our lives is spent in “weighing up” the analysis of our actions and still we blame “impulse” for most of the screw-ups in our lives.....

Close your eyes for just a minute and think when was it that you truly did something on “impulse”, just because you “WANTED TO DO IT”, just because your heart said “GO FOR IT”....didn’t give even a second’s thought to any kind of “what if”! There would hardly be anyone among us who unabashedly and forthrightly takes that leap of faith. We are often fettered by the chains of numerous “what ifs” surrounding us and checking our flight to fantasy at each juncture, curtailing us from exploring the widest sky and the farthest horizon.

Each one of us has that one, tiniest, littlest seed of desire within us. That one thing which we have always wanted to do, always wanted to say, always wanted to feel...That desire of “I WISH” that all of us subconsciously nurture in the deepest recesses of our hearts. For once, let go of all the “what ifs”, loosen yourself from the shackles of fear and apprehension.  I would take a cue from some of the best lines of the movie I mentioned in the beginning.... lines which left me motionless and wide eyed and yet stirred every chord of my heart:

Jo apni aankhon mein
Hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum............



And as Ayush would put it..."ab nahi toh kab" !!!!!!

Monday, May 16, 2011

The stories we tell........


While surfing the internet, this is what I came across, "We have, as human beings, a storytelling problem. We're a bit too quick to come up with explanations for things we don't really have an explanation for." 


And I read it twice, then one more time, then one more time and then yet again ! This statement is the exact antithesis of the more "cool" and popular statement, " I am what I am".  Not many of us have the courage to admit that "I am what I would want people to think I am". I talk not what I want to, but what I think is appropriate; I live not the way I want to but what others approve of; I work on not what I have a passion for but what is "acceptable"..... and ultimately I become not what I am inside of me but like the one who's on the other side of the mirror ! 


I find it annoying when people make assumptions about me. Why? Not because the assumptions challenge my identity but because they put a doubt over the image of mine that I portrayed until now; the image that I thought is the "real me". It's kind of strange how we sometimes get stuck up with our own self-created mirage. We stare at it for so long that we convince ourselves of its "imaginary reality"  and decide to live with it for the rest of our lives, believing and proclaiming, "THIS IS ME" !


But just like the delusion of a mirage breaks sooner or later and makes way for the true reality to emerge, so does it happen with us. To take it from a famous Abraham Lincoln quote, you can fool all the people some of the time, you can fool some people all the time.....extending it to saying that you can probably manage to fool all the people all the time and  even fool yourself for sometime. But there comes a time when you feel, "this is it, who am I kidding" ! And this is the time when the mirage vanishes, the mirror breaks and you find yourself standing against the wall. And then you have to see inwards.......And it is then when you have to put together the different parts of the story that you have been telling everyone all this while. 


As you do this, you realize that unknowingly, inadvertently you changed protagonist of your story. He/She transformed into an explanation, a justification of your story; not an active part of it. But there's still time, there is always time..... it's like, "picture abhi baaki hai, mere dost !" And you start with a new story, a story where "YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE" and in this script you don't explain but ASSERT......yes, this is what I was and this is what I will be .............

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Sisters & Stories....

Face reading is not exactly an art. And my face reading lessons sprang up in the most unexpected of all places; my daily commute in the ladies compartment of the Mumbai local trains. Every countenance, every expression reflects what the mind and heart says; whether there's a tussle going on between the two or are they enjoying a friendly rapport rendering a composed demeanor. If you observe closely you can actually catch a glimpse of a numerous emotions at one go - the relief of the end of another hard day's work, the joy of going back to friends, family and/or kids, the irritation of the long commute, the baggage of the work being carried home. Its amazing how so many feelings co-exist; right from the joy of trying that new recipe that an office colleague told you about to the dread of going back to oily kitchen shelves and laundry bag full of soiled clothes !


I can see loneliness and companionship, freedom and captivity, vivacity and listlessness; all at one go. There'll be someone sitting at the corner on the window seat, her eyes not winking even once and constantly gazing at the landmarks that rush past. It all reflects on her face, how things in her life have rushed past her  and she has been continuously moving along; not once trying to grab what is supposed to be left behind. There's another one, clutching her bag too tight and sitting cross-legged. She looks everyone with prying eyes and becomes attentive  every-time the train halts. Looks like she fears that she might just miss the right way. She knows she has family and friends and people who care. But she seems hesitant of mingling with crowd, maybe scared of her own vulnerability !


The one standing near the door, enjoying the breeze cutting across her face, letting her hair fly with the wind...she's definitely got something on her mind. I wonder where her thoughts take her ! Is she happy about her new-found freedom and wants to immerse in the moment, not missing one view that rushes past or is it the yearning to go out there, jump and fly and break loose.....I wonder what it is?


The lady who sits across those two young girls listens to their chattering quite amusingly. She smiles, winks, nods her head and then she seems to wander away in her own train of thoughts...Maybe she's reminiscing the days of yore, gossip she shared with her best friend, the little secrets they shared...and the blissful little world free of worries and responsibilities !


And then there's me. I just look around, in search of stories written on faces and in the eyes. There's so much these stories teach me. The value of freedom, the baggage of responsibility, the joy of independence, the comfort of togetherness ! 

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Summer Showers !!!!!!

As Charles Dickens would put it, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times"..... Unfortunately, in this case its skewed more towards the being "worse" and I am really trying hard to make it "Better-Best-Awesome"....

It feels strange and at times even frustrating when the most seemingly obvious things go against you and you frantically try your best to make things work, let things fall into place and get a "life" for yourself...not just a "phase of survival". Solitude is definitely a desired of state of mind but loneliness takes you unawares. How do you tackle that? Being busy with your work, going out with people around, reading books, watching movies....so many good things to do, aren't they ? Yet what if even the crowd around you gets muted ! That sounds like one scary image, at least to me..... 

But then the graying of the clouds is the precursor to a refreshing shower of rain. One that refreshes, rejuvenates and reinvigorates you ! You don't have to just stand out there, gazing at the endless expanse of the sky, searching for the glimmer of lightning. Instead, do yourself some good; smell the rain, lookout for signs of new life waiting to come out of their cocoons,brace yourself for the splish-splash and rain"Suit" up.

No doubt the rain is not a one-off event and it is definitely not something that will never happen again. But then doesn't the fun lie in making the most mundane and routine events full of verve and vivacity. There's a shower after every summer.....so if you just stand and soak, that's called "survival". But if you dance around with the rain drops, feeling every drop trickle down your hair and cheeks....that's called "living a life" !

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Relive


Isn’t it strange? Whenever we reach towards the finishing line, we always tend to think of all that has gone by, all that has now become a thing of the past. Why is it that we never seem to think of all that is yet to come? We, who pride ourselves as being the “most insightful” of all animals roaming the face of earth, all we tend to look is backwards - reminisce, remember, recollect.

We just want to hold on and are never ready to let it go. Why is this? Are we scared to look ahead or are we too reticent to come out of our comfort-zones. Actually, I guess it’s none of the two. It’s more like the “5-minutes-sleep syndrome”. Just like those precious 5 minutes in the morning when you think you can catch up on all the lost sleep of the previous night, u feel, “let me relive just one more moment of the time gone by and I am gonna make the most of it”...

I know it’s a cliché that time flies by, but you know that’s the beauty of clichés! They are clichéd because they are so true. Time truly flies past and in fact I would say it’s more like the sand than the wind. The more you try to grasp it, the faster it slides out of your hands, from between the spaces of your fingers. Actually, on second thoughts, maybe that’s why they say that walking through times by holding on to someone’s hands is much easier. You see, the spaces between your fingers are filled and you can hold on to time...hold on to your memories or better still, create new ones!

Yet most of us invariably find ourselves standing at a threshold of a new beginning and before taking that step forwards, we turn our heads backwards. Not because we want to hold on to something. But because we want to relive. Maybe splash in that water-puddle one more time, propose to our sweetheart one more time (and do it better this time :P) , enjoy that pillow fight with the younger/older brother/sister one more time,  tip-toe in the kitchen for the 2 am maggi at a school buddy’s place one more time,  enjoy a friend’s misery by hiding the precious Blackberry one more time.......Just RELIVE one more time !

Don’t hold on.....RELIVE!!!! Not once but every time that you want to.........

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I want to be me !

Masks & facades & deliberate expressions,
reality is lost in the midst of imitations.

Walking among the "august" company
chin held up & head held high.
Eyes fixed on the horizon,
Its the landscape that has got lost somewhere midway........

Trying to be that "one of the best",
fixated on being a "cut above the rest"
success governed by figures in "black & white"
Its the purpose of it all that has got lost somewhere midway.........

Exchange not communication; acknowledgment not recognition
transaction not relation; efficiency not passion
with attributes of a gadget planted in you
Isn't it your OWN image in the mirror that has got lost somewhere midway..............

Friday, March 4, 2011

Silent lullaby.....

While the head rests on the pillow,
the mind wanders into a world of imagination;
the heart takes a flight to the land of nowhere ...

The ceiling changes its contours every minute,
Shadows on the wall dance to the tune of the breeze that flurries past !

Eyes seek to see beyond the pitch darkness...
& sounds of silence.....are my lullaby for the night.....

Monday, February 14, 2011

Do you remember ?

To all those who roam the premises of this maggudom, to all those who are “not just another brick in the wall”, if you pose the question, “What is life at WIMWI like”, the response can be fairly expected & monotonous. Almost 80% of the junta (this is just an innocent writer’s freedom to create impressions, kindly do not ask for source of data!) would inadvertently come up with adjectives close to these four: interesting, intensive, challenging, competitive........

But the wimwian in me begs you to see on the other side of the wall. Remember that day when you were feeling a complete loser, thinking how you had committed the biggest mistake of your life by joining an MBA course, how you are just not made for it.  Along came the studmaxx, I-schol guy/girl. Gave you that pat on the back and said, “abe, itna kya load le raha hai? .5 credit hi toh hai, chill maar.....chal Rambhai pe sutta maarte hain!” And something inside you said we are all in this together. Marks, GPAs, grades would remain nothing but case-facts, what will shine through is your learning from these “case facts” and a better analysis the next time.

And that day when you were lying in your bed, thermometer mercury touching 102 degrees and in comes in that nerd to be at your side. He (actually he/she....) sits at your bedside, frantically start calling fellow maggus across the dorm if someone has a medicine, make sure you have a dose and takes you to the doctor first thing in the morning. He would be your mum, your doc, your friend and even your nurse, if need be.

And do you recollect the day when you had that “serious” fight with your guy/gal on the phone and declared break up for probably a 116th time in the last four months. First, he pulled your leg, laughed off the affair and enjoyed your moment of distress. But then his was the shoulder you rested your head on and both of you cribbed about how people outside the campus will never understand the rigours of wimwi life. And then you screened every possible fachha/fachhi/tuchha/tuchhi who is single, available....did a situation analysis, reviewed your options based on a set of criteria and devised an action plan!

And of course how can you forget that day of the sudden surprise quiz. You had slept through all the lectures, had opened the casemat only once to check the number of sessions and weightage of CP marks. Just as the maggus ran towards their rooms only to lock themselves in, it was he who took you by your arm and in 15 minutes took the most fabulous REM that even the best of the TA could not attempt !

Revel in the spirit of the place. Don’t just think of the “stud” wimwi connections/networks, try and build bonds and relationships or at least don’t just deal with people, associate with them.  They say wimwi gives you a contact list that you can “use” all your life...
Well, I am looking forward to the list that I will “cherish” all my life.....

P.S. : I am sure I don’t need to remind you of the first WAC night out and the first WAC run and memories you all share of it, collectively !

Saturday, January 29, 2011

If Only..........

If only silence had a voice,
If only stillness could stir,
If only hush could scream
If only quietness could make some noise.........

Maybe the heart could wake from its slumber,
listen, understand, comprehend.......
Listen to the tales soul has to tell,
understand the ebb and flow of passion,comprehend the voice behind the clutter,
If only.................

The silence pleads to be heard,
it beseeches to be a given a voice.
If only the hear could hear......
the beck and call of a soul so near !

If only the heart could hear.......
its shrieks of joy,its cries of agony,
its reminiscence of memories,
its creation of dreams.

If only.................