Canvas....

With the stroke of a brush,

I paint the canvas new,

I change the painting altogether

and not just its hue.

A new dimension, a new look,

an entirely new perception.

My canvas gets a feel of freshness,

And a picture emerges from the mess !

And just when my canvas gets ready for the mantle shelf,

Just when I see a reflection of myself,

A sudden stroke rubs off my canvas,

& all those colours I filled in so dearly, 

all those dimensions I could see so clearly,

All suddenly blur away....................

The sudden disturbance, shakes me , stirs me

And then I stand still............

I speak, I act, I dance, I sing,

But my reflection in the canvas just stands still............

New colours I seek to paint my canvas anew,

What can't be erased,

needs to be given a new hue !

Whoops and oops !!!!!!!!

There are moments which just pass by, unnoticed, uncared for, some which strike you bang on and then there are some which  hit on you gradually......slowly as the moment(s) lingers on, you realize what it means to you and what difference does it make to you, your impressions, your thoughts, your memories....

Starting from Day Zero till the end, each day was filled with all of such moments. Some gone unheeded, some struck us by surprise and then there were some moments which just dragged on and had us glued to them. I am guessing that most of those at IIM-A who go through this exciting journey each year reminisce each moment with such sheer clarity and depth that their minds have indelible impressions of these. "Suit up" acquires a new meaning all together and no one is afraid of their "oops" moment !

As each moment passes, one loses oneself in the waters of "fachha pool". Those who are lucky enough to find their shores early, stick on. They remain as anchors for those who swim offshore. The most gratifying of all moments is when the feeling of rivalry turns into that of mutual revelry. Competition certainly governs your actions, undoubtedly. But what stands apart is that sense of being together, that feeling of  joint relief and happiness. A typical "aah se ahaaa" moment :)

There are moments when personal sense of achievement and accomplishment seem incomplete unless we are joined by those with whom we can celebrate our feat. And no, this is not out of any sense of modesty or being too good a Samaritan. Its just that, as I mentioned earlier, the moments gradually pass by and its gradually that you realise what each of these means to you. That tight, shared hug which tells you "hey dude, see, we have done this! wasn't that difficult, was it "......... there is no feeling that can match it. 

Cheers to all those who experienced it and to those who were there for the  reassuring pats on the back and the comforting and encouraging handclasps.......... while the "Summers" were sure heated up, they did spend their warmth around as well.........

Speechless............

It’s difficult. Difficult to pretend, difficult to smile, difficult to cheer when everything within you is fading out. It’s easy to wipe off the tears that fall off, but what do you do with the ones that are stuck in your eyelids? Waiting for the curve of your lips to straighten.

Struck with loneliness right in the middle of the crowd, it’s difficult to make sense of the noise around you when the silence within you is deafening, almost maddening! There are moments when you can sense the things around you falling apart like a pack of cards; the wind just blows it all away. And all that you are left with is dry, lifeless, listless leaves strewn all over  the place........Try picking them up and your hand is filled with nothing but the crushed pieces of the foliage that was once bustling and blooming with life!

It’s funny......the whole concept......how memories are made up of so many special, precious moments stitched together and it takes just one, SINGLE moment and there goes your memory, torn beyond repairs.

Wait, endless wait, a hope, which hopes beyond hope that the hand which grabbed yours is still there to clutch you, to hold you tight. But in the deep recesses of your heart there’s a voice, a silent sob that is telling you that you are losing the grip and that the firm handclasp is slowly  sliding from between the spaces of your fingers......leaving a void that you can never fill ever again !

Titlliyaan yaadon ki........

Richhaaaaa.......... The tone with which my name was called still resonates in my ear. I can still hear to the familiar beck and call and immediately respond to it. Memories,......., funny things they are! They make you cry your heart  out AND they make you smile.  It makes you gloomy and a split second later, that very memory cheers you up, you smile at the very thought of that moment in which you had the chance to experience, to share, to live with someone !

              

                 "Someone, suddenly from somewhere, comes and stands besides us,

                 He grasps our hand, he touches our heart,

                 And soon he's EVERYWHERE !!!! "

That's how Rasiya is ! Day before a stranger, then an acquaintance and then a part of all of us........Some people just walk in and before you realize it, their presence becomes a part and parcel of our very own existence. 

         Rasiya is a magician. Every minute that you spend with him, he conjures a smile out of thin air and pastes it right on your lips and makes you believe that this is where it rightfully belongs to, NEVER LOSE IT ! Oh! he's a charmer. He can charm you with his intellect, his passion and of course, not to forget his never ending, crazy stories of w***t............ The twinkle of delight in his eyes mesmerizes you. 

          Endless nights of complicated questions of probability, incomprehensible MC assignments and my incessant cribbing about "oh! how sad and difficult my life has become!"....... All of this I share with him. And Rasiya always has a solution, its called "chill kar yaar, ho jaega". Maybe there's something in his voice that immediately soothes you. All your anxieties simply blow away like a whiff of air and you know that sooner or later, "ho jaega".

          But suddenly Rasiya just walked away, away to nowhere. And I am left gazing at the endless expanse before me, my eyes searching for that familiar face, that reassuring look of his eyes, my hands stretched out in anticipation that the gaps between my fingers will be filled with that firm yet gentle clasp of his hand. I am speechless, my  throat is choked with all those words left unsaid.

        And then ShaKira tells me to smile, "Smile, not because he's nowhere, but because he's NOW- HERE, because he pasted that everlasting smile on our lips." LIBOR fills up the gaps between my fingers, shares with me all those moments he shared with Rasiya, brings me even closer to my memories, memories of happiness and pleasure.Alongwith ShaBnam, I walk the path that has Rasiya's footprints on it and we feel his presence around, subtle yet encompassing us from all sides !

        One thing's for sure, all those angelic beauties up there would have gone weak in their knees, just as I did when I first  met Rasiya ! Oh! I am so jealous of them ............

Small Wonders......

As I sipped the refreshing coconut water outside and bit into a juicy pear, a sudden roar from somewhere near startled me.........Oh my God , how could i forget ? India was into the final moments of its Test Match against Australia and the situation on field had everybody on their tenterhooks. I quickly rushed towards the arena of action, all eyes glued towards the LCD screens, people craning their necks to catch every single movement that was happening on the field. Those who were having their lunch bit the fingers along with the food, not because the food was deliciously finger licking ( ahhh! wish that was the case too !), but because the excitement, the enthusiasm, the fervour of the moment was so palpable. Nine wickets down, six runs to win and each ball directed towards the batsman loaded with expectations of hitting the boundary...... collective sighs and gasps charged the air and all heartbeats converged to the uniform pattern of crests and troughs.

            Just two runs left now, eyes transfixed to the screen, even the winking is controlled and simulated......and FINALLY here goes the boundary........ Claps, whistles, roars, shouts ......its euphoria all around.....INDIA WINS !

           The hi-5s, the pats on the back, the impromptu jig, in those moments of ecstasy all you feel is  a sense of collective joy, pride and happiness. Some events do have the power to bring each one of us together, weave us back into the mosaic all of us are a part of and Cricket is just one of them. What amazes me is that in those moments nothing, absolutely nothing else matters to us. We simply break free and experience the, well...ummmm, the experience of being close and together. 

            Such are the moments when one truly lives and not merely exists. These may seem to be so inconsequential relative to the "larger things in life" that we value or at least are "expected to value". But again, go back to the silence, delve deep into your heart and listen......what were those moments or experiences when you truly lived, enjoyed, smiled and celebrated. Hold onto these small, little, "insignificant" things. And one day you will realise how BIG is small !!!!!! 

CHEERS !!!!!

So many Firsts.........

Stepping out of your warm, little shell for the first time, looking at the mirror and seeing not just your reflection but a crowd standing all around you.....And YOU all set to make a place for yourself under the spotlight. 
                   Some moments in life are a dream come true and in those moments your exhilaration is coupled with excitement, zest, energy and confidence.....a feeling of "Yes, This is It!" engulfs you. But what about those moments of  " Oh my God! is this for real, I never even dreamt of  this " . These are the moments when amidst the brouhaha, the cheers, the euphoria, you hear SILENCE......
                   Believe me, the silence has a sound to it, AND it reverberates. The world turns mute, the lips curving and curling into funny positions with not even a slight sound and all that your ears are receptive to is the reverberating sound of silence. The silence asks you, "Are u REALLY ready for IT?", the silence questions you. "Do u REALLY think this is IT" and the  silence challenges you, " Do you want to take the leap? Do you HAVE IT in you?"
                   These are the moments when you close your eyes and look for the explanation within. You make your own First decision, you take your own First step, you accept your own First challenge AND  you own your own First responsibility!
                   Do not be  afraid of the sound of silence, Do not ignore to listen to it. The cacophony of words around you, both meaningful and meaningless, will eventually die down, the conversations you have will eventually fade into oblivion......But what remains is the silence around you, that silence which often talks to you, which often signals you to not just hear but also listen to it. Because all  those FIRSTS that we choose to experience, all those FIRSTS that  will define our seconds and thirds and so on, are not dictated by the spoken but by the unspoken that we unconsciously listen and react to. 
                  Try it out! When about to take THAT FIRST STEP, just shut your eyes and listen. The silence beseeches to be heard. Listen to what it has to say. Because the silence has heard it all and now it's  reverberating with the questions, the challenges, the solutions and directions that we have been looking for...........